i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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