sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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