Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
