"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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