I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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