OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
