His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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