I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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