So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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