This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
