I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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