i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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