i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
