dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
