Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
