There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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