i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
