Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
