My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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