I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
