As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
