giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
