I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
