I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
