then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
