i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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