***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
