**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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