I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
two words...techno handjob
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
