there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
