Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She told me I should be a condom model.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
