So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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