shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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