I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
