I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
