That's intense
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
