Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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