Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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