My balls are so social today.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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