May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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