Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
