Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
