so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
