Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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