i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
