the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
