Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
