I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
