You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
