i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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