she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
