he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
