he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He shit in the fireplace
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